~dreamer88

Okay, So has anyone else, ever had the issue, of possibly enjoying themselves to much? I absolutely refuse to regret really anything in my life, so regret is not the correct word choice, but I am starting to wonder what I am doing? Am I really so far somewhere, I am not that far gone, I am sure of that. But, I am beginning to wonder, if my longstanding wholesomeness, or rather what my wholesomeness is deteriorating into?! I like how I used to be, but I hate what it got me, but now I don't know who I am, and I am not sure what it is getting me, or if it is good. I am tired of the pain and the rejection, of that I am sure. Am I losing myself, but then what am I losing myself too. Mistakes, I make and have made, I know, but I will not regret them for it gives me no growth, because I cannot grow from any of my regrets. I miss you, and I love you [all] very much. Falling I am, I think, and it hurts to rationalize on all of the facts in the Devn vs. Falling case. But nonetheless, i do, for don't we always seem to want what is the most painful for us to experience, because doesn't that opportunity offer the most fruitful gain? So I am falling, alone [at least outwardly it seems], and as I fall alone, I seem to grab onto whatever is nearest for some solace, this can lead to pain and regret. I am so torn up inside by my most traumatic event. It seems as though it has killed the fire for so much else, but I am fighting because I want that fire back, I don't like the shell that it has left. So I am at a crossroad, with so many different options, some look so alluring but I see the outcome, so where should I turn? When did I come this far, and I fear the painful ending that may be forthcoming. Please to my dear friends, I would love to have your thoughts.

Devon